If Only
by gti88
Summary: Harry knows the price he has to pay for the Light to triumph, but he must tell something Hermione first...Enjoy, and please R


A response to the Trophy Room Challenge over at PK

Ahem, a disclaimer…all characters belong to JK, but the plot is all mine…

NC-17, 18R, 19X(XX)…

This will be one HOT hotshot, so please ensure that your seat belts are on, and you keep your hands on your desk at all times during the duration of this smut fest.

With that in mind, let's ride…3….2….1…and here we go…

December twenty-fourth. The snow howled outside the windows of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and the grounds were beneath feet deep snow. The horizon was indistinguishable – the raging blizzard made sure of that. Inside, the halls were empty, cold and devoid of life. Save for one. One Harry Potter. The Chosen One, the one, on whom depended whether the world he knows flourishes or perishes forever.

The Horcruxes had been found and destroyed. Not without payment, of course. More people Harry cared for and loved had made the sacrifice of their life for the cause of the Light. His cause. Last time, Hermione had only just escaped alive. Harry had sworn to himself that he would not put his best friend in harm's way. That was the reason Harry was brooding, walking along the lifeless halls of Hogwarts.

His aimless meanderings brought him to the Trophy Room. This chamber was the reason, he remembered, that he first met Hermione's persistent character all those years ago, and it was what had saved him subsequent times over the following years. He loved her. Yes, without Hermione, he would be lost. She was by his side, always. He wished to tell her, desperately, but could not bring himself to do it. Tomorrow it would all be over. He would be rejoining his parents, Sirius and Dumbledore. If only…

The trophies and awards gleamed in the dim light. Their effect was hypnotizing. Harry didn't know how long he sat on the floor, thinking, but his thoughts were suddenly interrupted by someone's presence. One he knew too well. Her vanilla scent filled his nostrils…maybe, if he told her now…but no, it could not happen…for her sake, she had to be safe.

"I thought I would find you here," Hermione said.

"You did? How?"

"You're my best friend, Harry, I know you well," she wistfully told him with a slight smile.

If only… 

She sat beside him, and he put his hand around her small frame, as he had done many times before. She leaned against his chest. Harry could not help but be reminded how fragile Hermione was, despite her remarkable strength and intelligence. Two of the many reasons he loved her for.

Hermione raised her head and looked at him. He caught her gaze, and found himself incapable of diverting his eyes. Sadness welled up inside of him.

"Harry, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, Hermione…everything is alright," he attempted to reassure her.

He raised himself to his feet, and made for the door, intending to leave Hermione behind. Only, instead of making a step forward, he found himself being pulled back.

"Harry, " pleaded a choked voice behind him.

He slowly turned around. There she was, as beautiful as ever, but he could not stand see her in tears. Yet, her eyes were brimming in the dim light surrounding them, and that sight caused something inside of him to snap. He could not bear his secret anymore.

Two strides closed the distance between them. Lifting his hand, Harry gently wiped away the tears from Hermione's cheek with his thumb. She gave a sad smile, and looked up at him. The emotion in her eyes was overpowering…he found his defenses crumbling, and found himself leaning down…slowly, carefully…tilting his neck slightly sideways…his eyes closed, and…

Bliss. He brushed his lips against hers in a chaste kiss; she didn't pull away, but responded in kind. Harry could not repress his feelings any longer. Their kiss slowly intensified…and the dam broke. Tongues battled with each other for dominance. Electricity coursed through them, and all coherent thought was extinguished. Instinct was the only guide now…

Their lips clashed. Harry nibbled her lower lip, and tugged on it slightly…her tongue traveled in his month, enticing him, and fuelling his desire. His answer was immediate…leaving Hermione's lips, Harry proceeded to kiss her along the chin, moving back towards her neck…the peppery kisses were driving her crazy, and she elicited a moan of satisfaction. Harry could feel her tingling with anticipation, shaking even…his mouth reached her neck, and he began slowly laying kisses there, moving up and down in succession. She had tilted her head back and closed her eyes in pleasure…

His cold hands had slipped beneath her shirt, gliding across her stomach, sending chills across and arousing her in ways she never knew existed…one hand moved behind her back, while the other moved up painstakingly slowly…she could feel her nipples harden, and the cold hand only excited her more…Harry cupped her breast over her bra, and began to slowly rub it…it drove her wild, and he enjoyed every bit of it…she began moaning louder, as he began unbuttoning her shirt with his other hand, but she helped him…grabbing her shirt, she tore it off, spilling the buttons in every direction…she did not care though…an unbridled and ferocious desire had taken a hold of her, and it was only getting stronger…

Harry took an example from Hermione. He slipped off his T-shirt, and threw it aside. One aspect of Horcrux hunting, the physical exertion of training and traveling had done wonders to his physique, as Hermione, speechless, did not fail to notice…she leaned over him, and started trailing hot kisses from his chest in the general southern direction…Harry involuntarily grunted in response from the waves of pleasure her actions were generating…she came back up, and in that moment, Harry cupped Hermione's left breast, and with his other hand, he unclasped her bra…he let it fall away…

Perfect. It was the only word he could use to describe them…Harry let his hands massage her breasts, while his lips trailed kisses along and aimed for her nipples…indescribable pleasure, a pleasure beyond words enveloped Hermione, as he sucked, and his tongue played with her nipple…first one, then the other, while his fingers were rubbing and compensating for when his lips were not there…she arched her back, and felt her center heat up quicker and quicker…

Harry's hands continued their magic, but his lips moved down…she shivered with anticipation and excitement…her skirt had somehow slipped off, and all that remained on her were her knickers – a flimsy piece of fabric that was merely out of place…but Harry had other ideas in mind. He slowly trailed his hand down from her breast, across her stomach, slowly and deliberately…a few lazy circles later, and he slipped the offending article of underwear off…before him, a completely naked Hermione looked mesmerizing…she was simply beautiful, and the primal desire in him became more intense than ever…

Hermione took the chance to quickly slip off Harry's pants, but that's all she managed, because her limbs were rendered useless by a weakness, that caused her to fall back, and moan loudly to the heavenly, hot sensation that coursed through her at the feel of Harry's fingers on her sex…the repetitive rubbing, and the slight pressure were already leading her well on the way to a climax…she felt sweat bead up on her forehead, and her breathing became shorter and faster…she felt a penetration; one, then two fingers slipped inside…he pleasure was building more and more…

Suddenly, everything changed…a pair of lips and a tongue had been switched for the fingers…her breathing hitched, her eyes became wide, and instinctively she arched her back, threw her head back, and let out a scream of ecstasy…

"Oh god, Harry!!" her raspy voice issued. "Do it! Now!"

She quickly sat up, and Harry's boxers were lying on the floor with the rest of their clothes…Hermione grabbed his erection, and he felt as if he had died and gone to heaven…no, this could not possibly be true, but it was, nevertheless…he could not believe it…

Before he knew it, Hermione had directed him inside her…no, this was entirely different…it was the best feeling he had ever experienced. He loved her, with all of his heart, and he wanted to show her…

"Hermione…" he rasped, unable to voice anything else, as sensations, far more intense than up until now overtook him…

Raw passion, love, magic and a desire, a desire that could not be compared to anything else…Hermione felt a mixture of those emotions, as Harry thrust back and forth, initially causing her to endure a pain that was soon replaced by a rhythm. She escalated, until finally, with a sigh of relief, she came…at the same time as Harry did, and Hermione could not recall anything that had felt better than that…she smiled, and Harry grinned back…

He collapsed against her, tired, but happy. This whole thing felt so…right, as strange as it seemed…him and Hermione, together? Well, Harry mused, it's not a far-fetched thought anymore…

"Hermione, I've got something to tell you…", but the rest of the words refused to come out.

"What is it, Harry?" Hermione looked at him with such…was it possible, tenderness?

"I…I love you."

A weight seemed to settle in Harry's chest. He hadn't meant to say it; it just came out, before he could stop himself. He hadn't hoped, but there was a chance, only if…

"I love you too," he heard Hermione whisper, and immediately all thought inside his head came to a halt.

"You…you do? But…"

"No buts, Harry, it's true. I love you. With all my heart."

Tears had begun welling up again, and Harry knew, she would be devastated when he told her. But he couldn't.

Christmas. Hogwarts felt peaceful, tranquil. Yesterday's blizzard had seized, and was replaced by a gentle snowfall, that kept falling the entire day. Harry had been glum since the morning, and he knew why. Today would be his last day on this Earth.

Dusk approached. In a few minutes, he would leave to meet his destiny. It was the only way – Voldemort was coming with him to the gates of Hell. Harry quickly scribbled a note, addressed to Hermione, and left it on the table, known to be Hermione's, in one corner of the common room. With a deep sigh, and no further hesitation, he walked out of the portrait hole, wand and cloak in hand - for the last time.

Some time later, Hermione came down from the stairs leading to the girl's dormitories. Her eyes sought Harry, as she hoped that she could talk to him – about them, about the future. Instead, her sight landed on the scrap of paper on the table in the corner. She walked over, and picked it up.

_Hermione,_

_I've loved you since the day we met, and I always will. You'll find me in your heart. Please, remember me._

_Yours forever,_

_Harry_

She collapsed to her knees on the floor. A sob escaped her, and she could feel an empty, bottomless void opening up inside her. The mere thought was unbearable.

Hermione lay on the floor, hours later, quiet tears streaming down her face. She could not think, nor did she want to. Fate was cruel and unfair. It took the one she loved, and she could never have those feelings for anyone else. But she would join him, where ever he was now. Soon.

Fin.

A/N Well, there you have it. Tissues are on your right…and when you find yourself capable of typing, please leave a review :)


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